by Wanda Woodward, Department of Psychiatry, Bryn Mawr Hospital, a part of Main Line Health

December seems to have three of the most significant religious and cultural celebrations for the entire year. We have Hanukah and Christmas, which carry religious meaning, and Kwanza, which is of cultural importance. Even if you don’t personally celebrate one of these holidays, you can’t help being affected by at least one of them since many of their material symbols are manifest all around us.

It seems paradoxical that the amount of joy most of us experience during these holidays comes with a heavy price tag in the form of mental, emotional, physical and financial stress. Since the essence of the celebrations is intended to remind us of a sense of community and, more importantly, to resurrect a deeper sense of compassion and goodwill between each other, it is ironic that we allow all the activities associated with the celebrations to cause us anxiety, agitation and depression.

Who hasn’t become impatient standing in those long lines at the grocery store? Who doesn’t become angry when you’re scrambling after work to get to the mall before it closes in order to purchase a gift and someone steals the parking space for which you were waiting patiently? And what about the annual frustration of trying to think of what gift to buy for the person or child who already has everything? For the month of December, it seems like we have two jobs: one for our income and the other hunting for gifts.

I recently had a conversation with several friends at work about the meaning of these holidays and we all agreed that the sacred meaning, for many people, appears to have become overshadowed by the commercialism of buying gifts. I told them that several years ago I began rebelling against the commercialism by limiting my external observance of the holidays to only sending cards. Surprisingly, no one was aghast and one friend seemed to like the idea, although when asked if she would ever stop buying gifts she said she just couldn’t go that far. That was a sad testimony to me of the pervasive sense of obligation that many people feel in purchasing gifts and of the guilt associated if we fail to meet that duty.

If you’re one of those people who values the true meaning of your respective holiday, but you are exhausted with the commercial emphasis placed on it, there are certain things you can do which will allow you to recognize and honor the celebratory meaning, yet may decrease some of the anxiety, frustration and depression which can result from the weight placed on the external symbolism. Here are a few ideas:

  • Have your family get-together at a local restaurant, lodge or retreat center. Book the party well in advance in order to secure the place of choice.
  • Travel with your entire family to a sacred place that is a symbolic reminder of the values that holiday represents. You may even wish to make this an annual vacation spot.
  • Send a letter to each person on your gift list telling them that you have donated money in their name to a specific charity. This allows you to spend your money helping people who are truly in need instead of giving to someone whose basic needs have already been met.
  • Based on the size of your family, adopt one, two or three families in need and have each family member purchase a gift for one adopted family member. Typically, churches and synagogues are excellent sources for locating families in need, but there are other organizations that are in need of help too.
  • Before your family get-together, communicate to each person that there will be solicitations from everyone to read a special poem or a passage from a book which reminds them of the true meaning of the holiday. Allow family members to write their own poems or prose if they wish. What’s important is to allocate time during the celebration for each person to voice their unique feelings and thoughts about the holiday and, at the same time provide the opportunity for authentic, soulful connections from the heart.
  • Have a five-minute silent meditation before dinner is served where each person is asked to meditate on one topic such as peace or compassion.
  • For families with musical talent, ask one or more gifted individuals to sing or play an instrument like a piano, violin or guitar. Request songs that revive the essence of the holiday spirit.
  • Ask everyone to take turns recalling a childhood memory that took place during a past holiday.
  • Ask each person to tell, in their own unique words, what they believe the meaning of that holiday is and what changes and commitments can be made in their lives that would allow for the expression of that meaning, not just during the holiday but all through the year.
  • Donate one day during the month of December to a homeless shelter and tell about your experience at the holiday get-together.
  • Invite a person who would otherwise be alone on that holiday to join your family.
  • If your company does not already do this, ask your Human Resources Department to sponsor several families in need and solicit wrapped gifts for the family from the employees. Make sure the family provides the gender, ages and sizes of the children.

Hopefully some of these suggestions are practical and useful and help you and your family experience more joy and goodwill during the holidays not only amongst yourselves, but also toward others in need. I don’t believe it’s possible to eliminate all stress around this time of the year, but creating ways which allow for a fuller expression of your Soul, where you can have a greater compassion and personal intimacy in your heart, goes a long way toward uniting humankind in a consciousness of loving kindness.

Wanda Woodward is a Mental Health Assistant on the Psychiatric Unit of Bryn Mawr Hospital, a part of Main Line Health, and is a third year doctoral student in Clinical Psychology at Immaculata University.